The Incorrigible Night Owl

October 27, 2004


*When you call with some problem that I neither care nor can do anything about? And I tell you Robert's not here? And that he doesn't have his cell phone with him? There should be NO "BUT's". There should be no "WELL's". There should be no telling of the entire sad story from beginning to end. I don't. Know. Where. He. Is. There is no way to for me to contact him. He and I are not psychically linked, nor am I going to get in my car and go drive the streets till I stumble across him. Just deal. And leave me out of it. Unless the building has exploded, I don't care.

*Is the election over yet? I mean, really. At this point I would put Gomer frigging Pyle in Congress if it would just SHUT CARSON AND COBURN THE HELL UP, ALREADY! Lying sacks of....

*Dear Prospective Ebay Buyer: Hi! How's it going? You know that description that's included with the colorful, shiny pictures of my item? The one that I spent twenty minutes writing and rewriting till it was pure sales perfection? Yeah, that would include the answers to any questions you might have. So if you'd, you know, like, READ it, then maybe you wouldn't have to e-mail me asking questions that I've already addressed. Mmmkay? Thanks! Also if I say something has been used a maximum of a dozen times, does it really matter the length of the time period in which those 12 uses occurred? Honestly...whether it took me two weeks or two years it's still only been used a dozen times. Happy bidding.

*Dear Podunk, Oklahoma, City Council: Once upon a time, long, long ago, I lived in a land where we celebrated holidays on the actual holiday. Those who didn't celebrate were perfectly welcome to not participate. On the other hand, those people also did not get a say in telling the rest of us when we could or couldn't celebrate said holiday. In this magical, far-away land, adults were also allowed to make their own decisions on what was best for themselves and their families -- issues like when to attend church, whether or not to attend football games, etc. I know it sounds radical, but the theory was that grownups have a conscience and know what is right for them, deep down in their hearts, and they don't need a bunch of holier-than-thou fundamentalists trying to strong-arm them into "being good." Sirs and madames, in this halcyon of progressiveness, things did not come to a screaming halt for church or high school football. But, then, this will mean nothing to you, as "progression" is a dirty word in these here parts. So let me put it to you from a different perspective: butt the hell out of people's business and quit trying to tell them when they can and can't celebrate national holidays. It's none of your damned business, and how dare you arbitrarily change around an established holiday to suit the whinings of a particular religious group? It is MY call whether I want to skip Sunday night church services to go trick-or-treating, not yours. Oh, and by the way? I'm totally voting Democrat this election. Straight ticket. Bite me.